1. Remember that only nerds waste time reading studio programmes: always get others to tell you what is required.
2. Wait a few weeks before starting work. Never let tutors see a complete scheme before the final jury: it only gives them time to prepare gratuitous insults.
3. In the studio, draw as little as possible, look helpless, and wait for the tutors to do a design for you. Remember: that's what they're paid for.
4. Try to complete the design before looking at the existing site or a relief map. Too much information confuses the mind.
5. Be a perfectionist: do not draw a single line until you are quite certain what to draw. Avoid wasting paper, and never use soft pencils.
6. On presentation drawings, use primary colours to distract critics' attention from minor points. Avoid scales, north points, cross-sections and contours at all costs: information can be dangerous in the wrong hands.
7. Keep your nose close to the drawing-board and be careful never to view your design from a distance. It can be alarming.
8. Leave all presentation work to the last minute, so that none of your valuable time is wasted and other students can't steal your ideas.
9. Decide to use either a thick black pen or a 0.1 technical pen for drawing up. Using lines of different width is a sign of weakness. If using CAD, also use your machine to download pirate videos. Then you can use 'I caught a virus' as an excuse.
10. If you must label your drawings, try to use that gay carefree style of writing and spelling that we all remember from our early schooldays. Cartoon gothic script is very popular with critics.
11. When explaining your scheme, start off with a full and frank apology for the poor standard of your work. This will make the tutors sympathetic.
12. Never pay too much attention to what tutors say -- their criticism is generally based on ignorance, bad taste and envy of your talent. If they seem puzzled by your designs, keep repeating yourself in ever-louder tones.
13. Always remember that maestro designers don't worry about costs, clients, practicalities, or the minutiae of construction: such details are entirely beneath the dignity of a creative artist.
